“Teach me”, she said. Waiting patiently like an old faithful dog to its master, she sat two rows down with her five subject notebook which looked like an ancient scroll with its formerly white and now creamy dog-eared pages.
But I had my own “problems”. How can you help someone when you’re not perfect yet? What can you possibly have to give when you’re struggling to get and keep that ‘A’. You’re not as smart as everyone thinks you are; you just keep getting lucky and you’re scared of losing your winning streak. I was scared… scared of letting everyone down. Most people think the most difficult part of succeeding is attaining the goal but it’s not. You get the ‘gold’ and suddenly (even if it’s just in your mind), all eyes are on you. It’s impossible for you to fail. You simply can’t have problems.
I hate to admit it but I was a coward. The fear of failing after you succeed is a phobia that is worse than slowly losing breath. Everything you do becomes fixated on the ‘goal’. No one and nothing matters anymore. You forget what you always dreamed of doing…you forget your motivation. Too blinded by my foolish ambition, I forgot about my faithful student. She had sat there for centuries, waiting for me to get back to her. While I walked in and out of that room, she remained… two rows down.
After I got my ‘dream’, I looked two rows down and there was no one. Her waiting period had expired and I had never taught her. I looked under the seats and even in the toilet bowl, but she was gone. The girl that had waited so patiently, always waiting two rows down had gone far far away. I had gotten my ‘A’ and was finally ready to teach her. Alas, it was too late. Blinded by ambition, I forgot my humanity.
These days I live as a slave to ambition. I have no one waiting two rows down and continue to live in perpetual fear of the ‘F’… the disapproval that will confirm that I am of common blood – a trickster not worthy of the throne that she sits on. While I slave away, I also live in regret and wonder if my selfishness ruined her life. Every once in a while, I look two rows down and wonder what my life will be like of I had walked down to her to teach her. Instead, I live a life with no passion and every ambition.
Don’t ignore the girl two rows down.
P.S. I don’t own the picture. SOURCE: http://ramblingsofanenglishteacher.wordpress.com/