As he walked in front of me with his head down and his pack weighing him down-as if the weight of the world was in it, I couldn’t help but feel a tinge of guilt. I had tried to help him lift some of that weight once… but the burden of “the Samaritan” was not worth it at all.
He had absorbed my compassion and made me his world. It was simply too unhealthy. I don’t feel bad for cutting him off…it was the right thing to do. But I wonder. I wonder how it must feel to experience such depth of loneliness. I wonder what it feels like to have no one there and not know why. I planned to be his saving grace… to tell him the things that made people walk the other way… but I can’t. It’s such messy business.
As he walks away… away into the deep abyss of loneliness with the weight of the world bearing on his shoulders, all I do is watch and wonder. It’s my nature to want to save the poor lonely things. They somehow fascinate me… and help me feel that my life somehow has more worth. That’s selfish, I know.
Somehow he taught me to stay away; I suddenly realized that I couldn’t save him without killing my own life. So I let go. I left him in a deeper loneliness; he had had a glimpse of what the world outside his cave was and he was now aware of his lack.
In his loneliness and lack, he walks down the abyss…carrying the world’s tears. A fascinatingly miserable soul, looking for a way out of the cave.
One day. Maybe.